Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
|
|
11:29 am - Just a thougt.
|
|
|
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
|
|
12:03 pm - Pfft. Way to go.
|
So monday after work I went to a party. For those of you who don't know I deleted Brent's number and took him off of my facebook because frankly I don't care anymore what or who he is doing. Anyway Brent (and Lindsey, his ex) were at this party and Brent avoided me the entire time I was there. If I walked into a room, he'd walk out, if he had to walk THROUGH a room he'd practically glue himself to te outside wall like I had the plague. I called him out on it and said "You don't have to avoid me you know" an he shook his head and laughed nervously stating he wasn't avoiding me, he was drunk. Then promptly left my presence.
Well. I left at 1:30 AMish and was told the next morning by Mariel (host of the party) that Brent had made a monumental asshole of himself after I left. He and Lindsey got into a screaming match and woke up the neighbours at five in the morning, who in turn called the police (who thankfully didn't come in, they just drove by). He then tried to punch Caleb Jones and missed, stumbling drunk and falling into the cat litter box and playing it off like it was a joke.
He's fallen so unbelievably far that I can't even imagine what I saw in him in the first place. He's sad and pathetic, and I wish I could feel sorry for him, but that would be stretching my sympathy beyond it's conceivable means.
|
|
(6 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
|
|
2:27 am - MTAC 2010
|
|
|
Monday, May 25th, 2009
|
|
10:23 pm - I really hate
|
...these reminiscent "If I could go back and do it over..." posts but honestly, I really fucked myself over in high school.
I wish I had applied myself more. I wasn't taking difficult classes at all, yet I found myself with a GPA of 2.98. What does that equate to? Shit.
I believe that I am extremely intelligent. Without prep classes, studying, or a calculator, I received a 26 on my ACT, which is in the 85th percentile (well above average). If I took prep classes and applied myself I guarantee I could have been 28-30+
I hate that it just dawned on my now, that it's too late, that I could have had a 4.0 if I had wanted to. I could have had scholarships to fantastic schools and wouldn't see myself in such an unsure future like I do now.
With my undeniably horrific internship fiasco at Dolce my confidence is immensely shaken. I exceeded standards in over 2/3 of my classes at NECI but I feel remedial from the lack of practice I've had since I left school.
I would do that over too.
I want to go back to college, and I'm ready to fully apply myself and take pride in what I'm doing and striving for. I won't be a chef forever, and I never wanted to be. I want to go to Columbia or UCLA for an Asian Studies BA, with minors in Japanese and Theatre.
It's difficult to conceive a way to get to that point, especially considering my grades, but I don't want to settle for some sub-par school I hate. (we all remember the MTSU fiasco)
This post is making me irritated, so while I have left it open ended, I stop it here.
|
|
(13 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Tuesday, May 12th, 2009
|
|
8:23 pm
|
|
|
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
|
|
10:30 pm - O rly?
|
|
|
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
|
|
11:25 pm
|
WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING CONFUSING? FUCK.
I have work in seven hours. fuck.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Monday, March 9th, 2009
|
|
6:57 am
|
|
|
Thursday, March 5th, 2009
|
|
8:22 am - It's been a long time.
|
I haven't posted anything in months. I've been so overwhelmed by school and finding an internships I didn't feel like I had anything worth saying. I shold also warn you now this entry will be rife with errors, my keyboard isn't responding properly.
I go home sunday night, eight pounds and one speeding ticket heavier. My first, and if I have nythng to say about it, my last. Since I've been home I've caught up on all of the dirt I've been missing out on. Or at least the dirt I give a shit about. Which to be honest is a lot of it.
I just paused for a good five minutes, I'm not sure why it's so hard for me to write this. I'm at a crossroads in life to be certain. Right now it's really up to me where I end up for the next six months. Though naturally the ever failing economy is helping that venture. I feel like I've become so much older just in the last few months. My parents said even in just two my face looks thinner and I have worry lines under my eyes.
I found out Brent and Lindsey were on a break abou three days before I got home but I didn't think much of it. They'd been together for almost two years, and it's stupid for me to still feel so deeply for him. By the time I got home they had split completely and he said he never wanted to speak to her again. We've been hanging out since I got back, and I certainly can't say that I hate it. I do hate that I've fallen back in this same destructive pattern. I gave him my old phone and I keep forgetting to bring him the wall charger, but I think subconciously I don't want him to have it because it would take away my excuse to see him.
I want to tell him. It's killing me not to. I've waited, and made myself forget, for the last two years. I don't know why it's him. Why it HAS to be him... But I've been asked out and date so many others, and no matter how wonderful or how attractive, I'm numb to them. I can have fun, and pretend, but I know it isn't real.
I don't now what he'd say. Or what it would do to us. And that's what's keeping me away.
Even if he said what I wanted to hear, would it last? I have internships, school... I can't stay in Cookeville.
I don't know what to do and it's making me bat shit crazy. Like it always does, always has. But,
I don't want out.
current music: The Format - She Doesn't Get It
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
|
|
9:09 pm - Damn
|
|
|
Thursday, December 11th, 2008
|
|
1:24 pm - Hairspray Two Plot Revealed
|
|
|
Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
|
|
5:09 pm
|
|
|
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
|
|
4:22 pm - Mmmmm
|
|
|
Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
|
|
6:15 pm - My hair..
|
|
|
Monday, August 25th, 2008
|
|
10:20 am
|
Dear Friends List
In a week's time I shall be making an eighteen hour journey by car. Please post any music that will make the drive seem less like torture and more like... less than torture.
Love,
Tawny.
|
|
(5 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Friday, August 22nd, 2008
|
|
4:27 pm - Dear KT
|
|
|
Friday, August 8th, 2008
|
|
12:15 pm
|
|
Honestly working as a server reaffirms how much I DON'T want children. It's got to be embarassing to go out and have this little hellian making you look like fool.
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
|
|
11:58 am - VROOOOOOOOOOOM
|
|
|
Friday, August 1st, 2008
|
|
11:54 pm - Lolita.
|
Yepp. I'm buying my FIRST EVER LOLITA OUTFIT.
I'm extremely nervous about it though. I get enough people saying I'm an absolute freak and shooting me glances for things I say and do. Lolita is the, very cute, icing on the cake.
I can't resist though.
This is the set I'm getting, but it's in pink (different shoes as well)
excitement.
|
|
(12 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
|
|
12:45 am - New York Anime Festival
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
madwithinsanity's journal
crazy