I thought I'd post another weigh-in picture.

A few months back I posted a progress picture of myself in a bikini from 152lbs to 135lbs. Well I'm 125lbs now. And very much content with wear I am :3

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I know I promised to update with more meaningful posts in the future. It's been hard for me to find the time, need or want to post here. A lot of things have been eating away at me lately. Work is probably the number one cause of stress in my life, and I actually think I'm developing an ulcer from it. I know people constantly joke about it but every time I eat or drink my stomach immediately disagrees. I get horrible cramps. When your life is food, an adverse reaction to tasting things will really ruin a day, and like all vicious cycles, add more stress to my life.

I think one of the main reasons work has caused so much grief is because I've just completely lost my passion. I feel like I don't remember how to do anything. I've forgotten the terms, the techniques, the science. I've fallen into the dime-a-dozen certificate pastry students who know how to make pate a choux.

I work under an idiot pastry chef whose answer to a boring plate up is to put it on a different color plate. Whose idea of adding crunch to a dessert is putting nuts in everything, adding a wheat cookie to a wheat free dessert, who exchanges dried cherries filled with corn syrup and glycerin for figs when she won't even use canned pumpkin because it's "gross". I work nights after she leaves for the day, and her failures fall on my shoulders, but I don't have the authority to fix them. I'm paid 9.50 an hour to sweep up her 40k a year mess.

I work 45 hours a week, and drive another 20, eating up half of each pay check in gas and car maintenance.

Outside of work I've been chastised over my weight loss after recovering from a three year bout with an eating disorder, and a two year recovery. To add to it, a coworker told the rest of the staff I was less of a bitch when I was fat, not even having the nerve to say it to my face, or apologize, even if he didn't mean it.

I feel like an outcast and an alien. My kitchen thinks I'm strange because I won't drink with them, because I don't smoke weed, because I've never had sex.

I'm the only single woman in the kitchen. Everyone has something to go home to, someone to hold onto and seek comfort in, while I walk in the door at 1:30 in the morning after work to an empty house that makes me feel safe, but more alone than I can express.

The executive chef craves a moment alone, without his wife, without his daughters. People joke about how work is their escape from their home life, while I know that they'd be torn to pieces if the escape was permanent.

I feel catty and quick tempered; defensive. Always having to justify myself, then when I'm pushed away I put my head down, take what comes to me, and smile.

I turned twenty-one this year, but I can't even be trusted with a key to the restaurant one day out of the week so I can get an early start on making bread. I answer to a woman only 6 years my senior, who only finished her degree six months ago.

I am ambivalent. Wanting solitude, and comfort in another.

I feel so different.

Writer's Block: Stay Fashionable in Winter Weather

When it’s cold, wet, or snowy, how do you stay fashionable?

Frankly, I think it's much much easier to stay fashionable when it's cold. The colder temperatures allow for more accessories, coats, scarves, layers, boots, etc.

You can wear skirts with heavy cable knit tights, a light sweater with a blazer and nice leather boots, while in the summer a skirt looks very dressed down with maybe just a camisole and summery heels. Summer fashion is extremely dull.

The cold weather fashion is based heavily on neutrals so you can mix and match a lot more easily. Contrary to popular belief, black and brown match, and they're awesome together.


No but seriously.

Hard Gay is somewhat of an icon in Japan. He is a straight married man (real name: Masaki Sumitani) who runs around terrorizing civilians while wearing pleather hot pants, chains and beatle boots, pelvic thrusting away in men, women and children's faces alike. Hard Gay does not discriminate.

For your entertainment.

I actually didn't start this post to talk about Hard Gay but living in San Francisco always seems to remind me of him somehow ಠ_ಠ

Now that I AM talking about him I'd like to address that he has been criticized for using "gay" for comedy. I've seen a lot of gay comedians do stand up. And they always use their sexual orientation as part of their act. Isn't it a little discriminatory? Yes he runs around in hot pants, yes he is overtly sexual, but it's funny as hell. Frankly, I don't find it especially hurtful to the gay community. I think it puts them in a positive, hilarious, albeit stereotypical, light.

NOW. Onto a real post.

I'm packing up and getting the hell out of California. I will be gone by the end of the week assuming all goes according to plan.

As "luck" would have it, this weekend starts New People's 1st year anniversary. Right after I leave. Baby, the Stars Shine Bright will be releasing lucky packs full of the sexiest most delicious coordinates this side of the US and all for only $140 (I have insight into what they contain but I will not be divulging said information). On top of that BPN will be having a 60% off sale. They don't have the Kuroshitsuji items however so I'm not really going to cry about it. I have no reason to, since I just blew $600 on Alice and the Pirates.

Yes that's right. I'm a brand whore, as you might have noticed.

SO! Here are some pictures and I guess a sort of mini review?

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I guess I'll see all you Tennessee folk soon! I miss you all!
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